Detatching from your Family of Origin, no contact, Uncategorized

Every Family Has Problems Right?

“Every family has problems” is what my mom says every time I try to keep my distance from our family. “So what your aunt went through your phone when you accidently left it at her house. Then shared with us your text messages from the fight with your husband” You should still want to be with us. Why don’t you call? Why don’t you text? Everyone goes through this? I don’t know but to me this feels like a kick in the gut. It feels embarrassing and invasive. I’m tired of always having to forgive someone who purposefully crosses the line and could care less how I feel and how their actions/words affect me, my kids and my husband. My mom is insistent that I am being stubborn or difficult. Things like that happen so frequently and consistently it becomes normal. I constantly am expected to forgo my feelings and just go with the flow. This has been the expectation of my life in my family of origin and sadly the things that happen feel normal. I’ve been very isolated their are only 5 family members in my immediate family of origin. We had little outside influences on how we operate. It wasn’t until I got married and started attending other family functions that I saw a lighter side a life. A side were people can have a good time and not sit and sulk. My family sulks at every event from someone’s birthday, graduation, wedding, whatever event is going on you are guaranteed someone is in the corner frowning waiting for attention and then coming up with a way to get it. The person who does not go along with us and demands respect for the event that is taken places is considered dramatic and selfish. My mom pleads, next time will be different, we’ve changed. That’s not going to happen anymore.  Well 30+ years later it’s still the same pattern. It’s almost clock work and I can feel the wave of drama crashing in. It wasn’t until I got a taste of something different did I see the need to leave this situation. My in-laws are not perfect by any means but they can almost guarantee a consist and predictable good time. No worries of my mother-in-law cursing me out, going through my personal belongings…When I see here or any of them we can have a lively conversation everyone is engaged and no one is sulking in the corner plotting to steal the show.  As I put it blunt I’m cutting my loses and just letting go of a family that is not working to focus my energy on a family that does work. I no longer feel that every family has chaos and drama. I don’t feel that life has to be miserable or something to endure and put up with abusive relatives.  I am no longer blindly accepting the normalcy of chaos in a situation where people are purposefully being harmful.